NEW PICKLEBALL JUNKIE TEE SHIRT & ETIQUETTE

NEW PICKLEBALL JUNKIE TEE SHIRTS AND PICKLEBALL ETIQUETTE  

Well what do you folks think about my "first original art work official "PICKLEBALL JUNKIE SPORTSWEAR" production tee shirt? 

After spending mucho denaro to file a copyright application with the UsGov, and a one year wait, I finally received my "Certificate of Registration" from the United States  Register of Copyrights. Now its official, the proud owner of PICKLEBALL JUNKIE SPORTWEAR. 

SO WHAT IS PICKLEBALL JUNKIE ALL ABOUT, YOU ASK ?  It's about being addicted to a racquet court sport, using a paddle to hit a whiffle back and forth across a three foot high net, until some one misses.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!  a PICKLEBALL JUNKIE  eats, sleeps, dreams, fantasizes obsessently about playing pickleball. You watch countless YouTube pickleball videos of pros playing pb or Coach Mo telling you how to play pickleball. You own every book ever published about pickleball, and have read them 3 or 4 times.

Your wardrobe is designed and styled to look "fabulous" when playing pickleball. Pickleball court shoes are a must, white is the preferred color unless you really think you are "kool."  

Of course lets not forget the oversized safety glasses if you don't wear specs. Don't forget the Michael Jackson single glove wear style he created just for pickleball. I bet you guys didn't know MJ was a big pickleball fan.   

Head wear is an option but if you are in a glare or sunlight situation, the best headwear is the official PICKLEBALL JUNKIE visor. NOW we have the official one of a kind, PICKLEBALL JUNKIE Tee Shirt.

WOW! did I ever go off topic, I was describing the persona of a "PICKLEBALL JUNKIE" and I got off on this fashion rampage.  Sorry sports fans!  

PICKLEBALL JUNKE continued... Not everyone can claim status as a PICKLEBALL JUNKIE.  Just cause you wear the garb and headgear, doesn't make you a member of this elite society. 

The other requirements include, playing pickleball most every day at different venues, taking skills clinics and boot camps with pro players, attending the Nationals as a spectator, being a USAPA member and subscribing to both the hard copy and pdf file copy of PICKLEBALL MAGAZINE. 

When you play pickleball you must wear your red colored first server wrist band when appropriate. You need to know the rules and how to keep score.  If you ever ask another player to explain a rule or worst of all, you ask, WHAT'S THE SCORE, you are automatically lose your PICKLEBALL JUNKIE status.  

You must carry an official pickleball back pack or gear bag. Don't forget your official pickleball sweat towel.  You definitely need several paddles, complete with protective covers. 

All paddles must be USAPA approved and popular brand made.  All your paddles have been weighed on a digital kitchen scale, and their weight recorded on the face above the throat. 

Don't forget to label your paddle with your name and phone number or email address. And don't use those freebee return address stickers, that's so "cheesy."  

Speaking of "cheesy" and "tastless" and a sure way to be immediately expelled from the Pickleball Junkie Society is to wear the traditional outdated, styless  "prison grey sweat pants and/or prison grey sweat shirt.

Another major pickleball fashion flop is the "Home Depot" carpenter apron worn around the waist to hold balls. WHAT NEXT? a gallon size zip-lock bag with belt loop slits for side carry of 2 or 3 balls?

One more thing. I hate to have to even mention this extremely gross topic. BUT, IF YOU REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE A PICKLEBALL JUNKIE, DON'T EVERRRRR GET CAUGHT PASSING GAS WHILE PLAYING PICKLEBALL OR STANDING/SITTING WATCHING PICKLEBALL.

I told you all this was a gross topic.  But it is one of the most  "flatulent" manner of  misconducts in pickleball.  It never fails, when you are up at the net waiting for the opponents to return serve, your nostrils begin to wince from a god-awful foul smell coming from downwind of your positon. 

Its like a toxic greenish colored fume that clouds your senses and brings your brain to a complete stop. That smell is so bad you are seriously considering going home, showering and changing your clothes, and throwing the stinky ones away,  before returning.  BUT YOU STAY! 

By now you have no choice but to turn around and try to identify the source of the pungent nasty sickening odor. You spot one of the spectators on the near side line giggling to themselves with their hand hiding their mouth. The culprit is flushed and red faced.  You know its [him or her], sorry ladies, because there is no one standing close to this person even though its crowded.  

All the while you are enduring the terrible experience, the game is on going.  Your partner has made it to the NVZ line and is now returning all the balls that come over the net.  

You apologize to all the players and get back into the game.  One or two rallys later, you get a good whiff of that same shitty smell, but a lot worst than before.  The sideline "farter" has struck again, and this time its the worst of the worst. You are positive that the perpetrator had an accident in their pants.  You call for a "time out" and go over to speak some harsh words to the culprit, and attempt to educate this numb skull on proper pickleball rules of etiquette. The "person of interest" starts to run out the door and you send your paddle flying after them.    

BINGO nailed the farter.  HERE'S WHERE IT GETS CRAZY! Your back yard boomerang practice came in handy, even though you accidentially beheaded the neighbors cat. Poor kitty. 

The farter calls the police on a cell phone. The Cops arrive, size your paddle as evidence, charge you with possession of a deadly weapon, put you in hand cuffs, and haul your ass off to jail. You are convicted by a tennis playing, pickleball hating judge. Judge Racquet sentences you to life in prison, teaching prisoners to play tennis instead of pickleball.

A year later, the farter shows up at your appeal hearing and testifies that he/she has IBS (Irritable Bowl Syndrome), and he cannot control passing gas.

Judge Racquet is sympathetic to the farter because he suffers from the same disorder.  Standing at the rail in the court room you smell that same gut wrenching hair curling stench from a year ago. But this time its coming from the Bench. The Judge then sentences you to another Life Sentence to serve concurrently, and denies your motion of appeal.  The Judge slams down the gavel, dismisses the court and runs like hell out of the court room.  

So what's the message to learn from this entire episode?  DON'T EVER THROW YOUR PADDLE FOR ANY REASON, ESPECIALLY IS SOMEONE PASSES GAS WHILE YOU ARE PLAYING A GAME. And never go before a tennis loving, pickleball hating Judge with Irritable Bowl Syndrome as a victim in a flatulence case. 

        

 believe or not this is almost true story that I witnessed, but no one threw a paddle and  no one got arrested. I am not sure about the Judge?